Serious health warnings

Smoking. It’s not a good idea. Unless you’re Mount Etna of course, in which case I’ll let you off.

Shana, who is making steady progress at drastically cutting her tobacco consumption with a view to stopping completely in due course, was busy distracting herself from the contents of a small pouch of tobacco this afternoon, by reading and re-reading the health warnings on the packet.

‘It says here that”Smoking seriously harms you and those around you”,’ she said. ‘Yes,’ I said, wondering what was coming next. You’ll never guess what did come next though.

‘Does that mean,’ said Shana, ‘that if I don’t smoke seriously nobody will come to any harm?’

‘Well, since you put it like that,’ I said, ‘I suppose you must be right.’

And so from now on, in a bid to be harmless to herself and the rest of the world, Shana will, for the rest of her smoking days, smoke in a flippant manner, maybe waving her arms about like a windmill or doing silly walks or funny voices. Anything except from smoking seriously. Different methods of stopping work for different people of course, But for Shana, steady reduction seems best. Cold chicken is not an option 🙂

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Do you drink?

At my recent MOT at the docs, one of those standard over 50 tests we old dears get regularly, I was asked the usual question about my lifestyle. When it got to the subject of how much I drink, I replied honestly, “I don’t drink and haven’t had any alcohol for well over 10 years”. The nurse shook her head, “not even a glass at christmas?” “No” I firmly replied, “nothing, nada, not a drop”.

The next question was do I smoke, and this was where all hell broke loose. I smoke about 15 roll-ups a day, I don’t actually like ‘real’ cigs, they’re nasty, but this admission unleashed a tirade about the dangers of smoking, which is one thing guaranteed to send me into a rage. Even if I wanted to quit, there is no product on the market aimed at hand-rollers, you could argue that any smoking is bad, I disagree. To me the difference between ‘real’ cigs and roll-ups is like comparing a MuckD burger to a fresh home made one (tough analogy to use as a vegetarian!), I smoke pure tobacco, cigs have all sorts of nasties in them.

It never ceases to amaze me that drinking is so acceptable, considering some of the drunken louts that cause trouble on the streets late at night, but smoking isn’t. I never smoke outside the house, and only smoke in the kitchen out of Chris’ way, he quit not long after we met, but he never smoked much anyways.

As for the rest of my MOT, absolutely perfect health, blood pressure, all the blood tests, everything perfect, so smoking is bad for my health? I’ve been smoking since I was 13, hardly likely to stop now!